Selah~Day 365 “Our God is Amazing”

On Monday, February 18th of 2013, grief knocked on the door of my heart. For the second time in a sixth month time frame, my husband and I would say goodbye to a baby we were so excited to meet. Having miscarried a baby at 6 weeks, I never thought that it would happen again.

I was 13 weeks, 6 days along. My belly was growing and life was abundant on the inside of me. It was a rocky start, but the doctor’s interventions seemed to be working. We were making plans to announce our exciting news and had something special planned for Kids church that coming Sunday. Our precious 3-year-old son, Judah, was going to wear a shirt to church which read “Only child expiring August 2013.” So, on Monday evening, February 18th, I was in utter shock and denial when I felt my body contracting. I knew this pain all too well, but despite the symptoms and the signs, I refused to believe a miscarriage was in this baby’s future. We finally decided to go to the ER at Mercy hospital. I knew the prognosis was grim when they had a Chaplain come to my ER room. At approximately 10:50 p.m., I delivered our precious, lifeless baby. My sweet husband held our baby for a time. At only 13 weeks, 6 days, our baby was fully formed.  Its tiny foot laid softly on the tip of my husband’s fingernail. Through tears, Gary exclaimed, “Our God is amazing!”

I will never forget my husband’s response. It was a statement of audacious faith that would change my life forever. You see, our faith does not guarantee a life free from hurt, pain, loss, despair, and crisis. But, our faith does enable us to seize the opportunity to see God’s glory in the midst of every hurt, pain, loss, despair, and crisis in our lives.

So many thoughts and emotions were swirling around in my head as I laid in that hospital bed. But, one thing was very clear. My faith and my fears had met in a head on collision that night. I knew that I had a decision to make.

I could allow this crisis to cripple me and keep me from moving forward in the things that God had for me and I could just stop expecting anything good from God at all. This option would have proven fatal to my faith. I would have slipped into a deep sleep spiritually, trying to escape the pain of loss. I would have lost my way.

OR, I could look at my crisis and convert it into one of the greatest opportunities of my life. I liked option two better and I am so thankful that I chose the better path. You see, our God is amazing. Just because of who He is, He deserves to be glorified and praised.

Judah loves the story of the Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. We read it often. It is a cool Bible story for kids because it involves really hot fire, bad guys, and a super cool rescue from Super-Hero Jesus. But, my favorite part of the story is the declaration of audacious faith from the 3 Hebrew children. You see, they stood up to King Nebuchadnezzar and said in Daniel 3:18, “But even if he doesn’t (rescue us), we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.” They had determined in their hearts that even if God never did another thing for them, they would still worship Him and declare His glory because He is Amazing! And, so will I.

Even in my darkest of times, He was there. He never walked out on me. He never turned His back on me. He never gave up on me. He was holding me so close all along. Psalm 34 declares, “The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; His ears are open to their cries for help…The Lord hears His people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.”

He came to my rescue.  And, my life is more alive now than it has ever been before.  So, reader, choose to cry out to Him in your darkest moments and allow Him to write your History and bring beauty from the ashes and strength to your inner most being. He is faithful to complete the work that He started in you. You are His most prized possession and He loves you with an unfailing love. He said so, in James 1:18, He states, “And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession.

Miscarriage was not God’s idea or His plan for me. I live in a sinful and corrupt world where bad things happen. I don’t need to know why because I will never truly understand, but I do know that I trust Him with all my heart and know that He has my best intentions in mind. His thoughts are so much higher than mine and His ways are so much greater…in that, I rest in complete peace knowing that He loves me and I am His prized possession.

Finally, In January of 2013, the Lord spoke to me and told me that I was going to have a Selah. I thought He was giving me the name of the child in my womb. But, He had plans to birth something else in me as well. Soon after I started this blog journey, I realized it would not be a year’s worth of writing centered around the need to get past loss and grief, but rather, it would become a journey of finding beauty in the ashes and seeing God’s great Hand at work in even the darkest of time. He wanted me to take a Selah. There are several words used to describe the meaning of Selah. I choose to describe it as a  “pause or moment to meditate, a time of transition, or a moment of change in the course of History.” This 10K reasons journey of thankfulness definitely changed the course of my history. And through it, I allowed HIS-STORY to become my beacon of hope, of life, of love, and of redemption. So, from this day forward and then forevermore, these words will be the cry of my heart:

The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name

Through tears and butterflies in my tummy, I write my list to 10,000:

9,973. My husband. He is my best friend and my biggest fan. He supports me with all his love. It is a great honor to walk beside him. He has read every single one of my posts.

9,974. My Judah. He makes my heart smile. He is both my pride and my joy and the one who gave me the title, “Mommy.” He has great purpose and promise written all over his life. What an honor it is to be entrusted with his care.

9, 975. My mom. She is brave. She is strong. She is my passionate, ever-caring mom. She has encouraged me and prayed me for relentlessly. She has never forgotten about me.

9,976. . My dad. He chose me. One time, I heard him talking to someone about me. I heard him say the words, “Kara, she makes things happen. If you want it done, give it to her.” He believes in me.

9,977. My mother-in-law. She is gentle and kind. She is one of the most selfless individuals I know.

9,978. My father-in-law. He has the sweetest of hearts. He would work tirelessly to help out someone in need.

9,979. My siblings. Kyle, Jake, Haley, Meg, Madison, Laura, Kelli, Eric, Robert, Nate, and Laci~I love you all and what an honor it is to call you family. Each of you holds such a special place in my heart. I pray God’s overwhelming blessings upon your life and that you would know Him as He desires to be known by you.

9,980. My church family. The local church is the hope of the world. I am so glad that Gary and I choose to be a part of a church family. We choose to be faithful, to serve well, and to walk in love with others. My church family does the same too.

9,981. My job. I get to show kids the heart of Jesus and teach them about His unfailing love and His great purpose for their lives. And, I get to serve alongside the best kidmin leaders in the world. They serve with such passion, faithfulness, dependability, and love. I love my team and I am so thankful to be their leader.

9,982. My husband’s job. The Oklahoma City Fire Department takes great care of us. My husband loves his job and is excited to serve and protect every time he goes into the station. He is trained well and has a wonderful extended family. I have made some pretty awesome friends too in the process.

9,983. My journey inspired others. Nothing excites me more than to learn that other people have been challenge to do a 10K reasons journey of thanks. Thankfulness changes your life.

9,984. My friends. From California, to Ohio, to Indianapolis, to Oklahoma, you all are loved. Your friendship blesses my life. Sweet text messages, hand-written cards, phone calls, lunch dates, and simple smiles in passing have meant so much to me. I am so thankful that God blessed our lives with friendships.

9,985. My health.

9,986. God has not forgotten about me. He is faithful to complete that which He started in me.

9,987. Even when I don’t understand, I have learned to trust Him with all my heart.

9,988. Hope. It is never lost. With God, all things are truly possible. Luke 1:45 states, “Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!” I believe. I have hope.

9,989. Strength. I can be brave and strong because greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world.

9,990. Men and Women in the Bible who had audacious faith. They leave us such great examples to follow and learn from.

9,991. Pastors who speak into my life. Pastor Ted has followed my blog journey faithfully. He has encouraged me, supported me, and believed in me. Pastor Marcia loves me with a motherly love. She speaks such sweet words of wisdom and love into my life. I am thankful for my pastors.

9,992. The Holy Spirit. I am so glad God decided to send you to us when He took Jesus back up to heaven. You are my power source. The Holy Spirit has changed my life. I am so glad I met Him at a young age.

9,993. The Word God gave me about Selah. God speaks to us. And, He always knows what to say and at the right time.

9,994. I have a new perspective. God is truly good ALL the time. Regardless of the situation, I can always find glimpses of God’s glory and give Him thanks.

9,995. All of the people who read my blog and encouraged me along the way. I am so thankful for your support and encouragement.

9,996. I did it. I really did it. I completed my 10,000 reasons journey.

9,997. The Word of God. It does not return void. It is with me through both the brightest of days and darkest of nights. It truly is the Word of Life.

9,998. My story. I am so glad that I chose to seize an opportunity to turn a tragedy into triumph. Because I shared my story, 11,314 people have viewed my blog over the course of a year and have heard me proclaim that “My God is Amazing.”

9,999. My two babies who I will hold in heaven. Your lives had purpose. You mattered. You mattered to me and to your dad. You mattered to God. Although you never took a breath outside the womb, your lives made a colossal impact in our hearts. Thank you for giving me Selah.

10,000. Jesus. Words could never adequately express my love for my Lord. He paid it all for me. He is the lover of my soul. He is the beginning and the end. Forevermore, I will bless Him.


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