Selah~Day One

On Monday, February 18th of this year, grief knocked on the door of my heart. For the second time in a sixth month time frame, my husband and I would say goodbye to a baby we were so excited to meet. Having miscarried a baby at 6 weeks, I never thought that it would happen again.

I was 13 weeks, 6 days along. My belly was growing and life was abundant on the inside of me. It was a rocky start, but the doctor’s interventions seemed to be working. We were making plans to announce our exciting news and had something special planned for Kids church that coming Sunday. Our precious 3-year-old son, Judah, was going to wear a shirt to church which read “Only child expiring August 2013.” So, on Monday evening, February 18th, I was in utter shock and denial when I felt my body contracting. I knew this pain all too well, but despite the symptoms and the signs, I refused to believe a miscarriage was in this baby’s future. We finally decided to go to the ER at Mercy hospital. I knew the prognosis was grim when they had a Chaplain come to my ER room. At approximately 10:50 p.m., I delivered our precious, lifeless baby. My sweet husband held our baby for a time and through tears exclaimed, “Our God is amazing!” At only 13 weeks, 6 days, our baby was fully formed.  Its tiny foot laid softly on the tip of my husband’s fingernail.

On the way home from the hospital, I cried out to the Lord, “I don’t understand, but I trust you.” I repeated this phrase over and over and over and over again. The next morning, I picked up the Bible and read Psalm 34 multiple times. How precious is the Word of God. It brings light in the darkness, hope to the hopeless, comfort to those who mourn, and LIFE to death. Psalm 34:1 states, ” I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak His praises.” When I read those words, I determined at that moment that no matter what the days may bring, I will praise the Lord at all times.

Two songs have really ministered to me during this season of loss, Come to Me and 10,000 Reasons. The lyrics to 10,000 Reasons goes like this:

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name

You’re rich in love, and You’re slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I’ll worship Your holy name
Lord, I’ll worship Your holy name

Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name
Jesus, I’ll worship Your holy name
I’ll worship Your holy name

I knew that this song was special. Then, a few weeks ago I accidentally stumbled upon a blog entitled 10,000 Reasons. I quickly clicked on it and cried while reading the author’s similar journey. Her blog idea, as well as my experiences the past few months, have inspiried this blog campaign.

You see, if you thank the Lord 27x a day for 365 days (technically 28 for 145 days and 27 for the rest) you will have discovered 10,000 Reasons for your heart to BLESS THE LORD in a one year’s time. Today, April 27th is my 33rd birthday. On the 27th, I begin my journey to bless the Lord 27x a day. This is my year to find 10,000 reasons to Bless the Lord. While on this journey, I have an expectation to daily show the devil that he messed with the wrong girl, the wrong family! Forever, and through whatever, I BLESS THE LORD! I am excited to begin a new year of life.

Why the title Selah? Selah was to be the name of our baby if it were a girl. There are several words used to describe the meaning of Selah. I choose to describe it as a  “pause or moment to meditate, a time of transition, or a moment of change in the course of History.” This is my Selah…my moment of change in the course of this story.

Here goes my first list: (they will start broad and narrow their focus as we go on this journey).

1. Jesus-You are my everything. The Lover of my soul.

2. Gary-You are my Best Friend. My precious soul mate.

3. Judah-You make my heart smile. You are my pride and my joy!

4. Mom-You text me last night and said, “Love you so much! You are my first precious gift from God! 33 yrs ago my dream finally came true! The first thing that I could call mine and love and no one could take you from me! Wow, where has the time gone? Know you are loved! Happy Birthday.” Mom, not a day has gone by that I have not known how much you love me. I am so much of who I am today because of your influence. You are such a jewel. I love you.

5. Dad-You chose to love me. You didn’t have to, but you did. I felt so special when you gave me your last name. Even though I was young, I remember the day well. I am thankful God blessed me with you.

6. Kyle-My smart, handsome brother. For such a big, strong man, you have such a gentle spirit. I will never forget the mornings you would walk me to the bus stop and wait on the big rock until I was picked up for school. Then, you would wave until I was no longer in sight. I loved getting your phone call today wishing me happy birthday.

7. Jake-My strong, cautious, caring brother. You love people and always care about the feelings of others. I have so many fun memories of you as a baby and child. You make people smile. You have a contagious laugh. I smiled when you called today. It was good to hear your voice.

8. Haley-My talented, beautiful baby sister. You can do anything. Sing, dance, act…you are a triple threat. I left home when you were only 6. I am excited to spend the future getting to know you better now that we are both older!

9. My Mother-in-Law-I love her and I like her. She has the sweetest spirit. My husband has a lot of her sweet, kind, laid back characteristics. She makes me very comfortable.

10. My Father-in-Law-So selfless. Forever giving. Hard working. Wonderful man.

11. All my brother and sister in laws-they add so much joy to my life. I am thankful for each one of them.

12. Judah and I had a conversation today about Jesus. Judah saw a tall building and became frightened saying, “Mommy, what if I fell off of that building?” I asked him, “Judah, who protects you?” Without pause, he said, “Jesus protects me, mommy!”

13. Judah snuggled with me for 30 minutes this morning upon waking up.

14. My job-I get to teach kids about Jesus. How cool is that?

15. The sun. It came out today. I love being warm.

16. Flowers. God is such a creative God. Flowers make me smile.

17. Amy Hoover texted me and made sure that I knew I shared a birthday with Si Robertson. That made me laugh out loud. I am thankful for laughter.

18. I have great friends. Over 100 people have wished me happy birthday today. Wow!

19. My husband paid someone to come and work his second shift at the fire station so he could be with me for my birthday.

20. Gary and I sat and talked for over an hour on the porch swing tonight.

21. Judah and I played trains together.

22. Gary gave Judah his bath tonight.

23. Holly took me to lunch today and to Hemispheres. She is a fun friend.

24. Peyton drew me a really sweet picture.

25. My Church. Go Team Crossroads.

26. My paid off car was not damaged in the hail storm last night.

27. My two babies who I will hold in heaven. Your purpose is powerful and will be defined in this journey.

Plus One-Sarah, Thank you for allowing me to do the 10,000 Reasons journey with you.

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